Monday, July 16, 2007

BROKEN HEART BUT NOT SHATTERED





When in life we are faced with situations that cause us to go into a comatose state of mind, I thank my Father God for a husband that is a mighty man of faith, a man that stands strong in the Lord and has the heart for his family. As many of you that read my blog know that I am going through a huge crisis in my life, this weekend my darling beloved took me away from home… I think so he could get me alone and preach to me… one of the things that he brought up was the expectations I place on others out of my personality my dreams and ideas, and when they don’t go according to how I would do things I am devastated.

Now my dear darling Dolla’s that I have come to know over the past few months, I stand before you with my broken heart I know that only Jesus can heal this wound. Lisa my dear friend at preachers wife put it in words that are so precious, when you have a daughter you dream for her is that all the rooms in her future would be prefect, the prefect up bringing the perfect scholar the perfect woman, and I guess as beloved said to me I have such unattainable standards that sometimes he finds that the children are over run with my high expectations.

On Tuesday the 17th of July 2007 my life changed forever and will never be the same, princess #1 and Prince to be asked to see us, we are in the process of moving them to another province I think it would be another State for you all from USA, so I took it to be some arrangements etc, little did I know that my heart was about to be jolted and all I stand for! My precious darling informed me with much fear (I am ashamed to say) that she is 6 weeks pregnant, can you believe how selfish I am my first thought was there goes our ministry, girls how could I ever be so selfish in a time like this, I was stunned I sat there in total silence and did not speak to her until last night getting back from Durban after the Lord and my beloved had some heart to heart with me.

With me working in a church that lives the word out this was devastating for me, here I am believing that my daughter is living a life for Christ totally sold out, not for one instance did I ever imagine this to be happening right under my nose, I have to admit I have been so angry and hurt, but you know as Shar said what if she was the prodigal daughter would Jesus have turned her away.

My dear friends my darling beloved has been the rock in our family at this moment, his first words to princess #1, you are caring a gift from God and you need to let that little life know that it is wanted and loved. That even though we are disappointed we love her and will walk this road with her, and looking at me with the look that only my beloved is allowed to do said WE WILL LOVE OUR GRANDBABY!

Even as I type this I asked that you hold our dear family in prayer as I do believe that their will be those that will speak out against us, there will be those that love us, there will be those that judge us, there will be those that support us.

The scripture I am holding on to is Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

I trust that the Lord will carry us through this that He has a plan and purpose for our family and that in Him my grandbaby has a destiny that will bring the Father glory.

13 comments:

MiPa said...

(((HUGS))) You will love your grandbaby. And you will love your daughter and your son-in-law. Because you are her mom and that is what we do as mothers for our children.

And God will help you through the tears, and disappointment, and fears and all the other emotions you are feeling--because He is God and that is what He does for His children. Trust in Him. Lean on Him. I'm praying for you!

Sharon said...

Can I say --I love you. I don't know you but you are my sister and I am sorry for the path you will be walking. But, I know you will not be walking this path alone.
My parents went through this with my younger brother.He was 16 and the girl was 14. My parents had been in the ministry since I was four. At the time this happened--my mother was the principal at a Christian school. The road was rough. But years later He is married and now has three more children and is in a loving marriage. Those days are long forgotten.
Now a little closer to home.
Two years ago we started having problems with our son. I am heavily involved in ministry in our church.
I was crushed when the first incident happened. It was neat that God allowed my pastor to be at our home picking something up when the first situation happened. I rememer telling my pastor I needed to step down because of my son--he told me no--that is just what satan wanted.
We have been through some rough things with him--but God is teaching him. He will learn so much about the grace of God.
I will be praying for you.You are going to walk away from this with some powerful truths from God. He is going to plant in you quickly through this- what would have other wises taken much longer.
Above all-- speak your love to your daughter--she will need you so.

Shelly said...

Sweet friend....
I thank you for your honesty and authenticity. You have humbled yourself under your man's leadership and the sovereign hand of God and I know He will strengthen you to soar on eagles' wings.
I cannot imagine what this is like as a parent, or one in ministry at that, but I trust that the love of Christ in you, and your hope of glory, will be the sufficient grace that you are able to walk out in life by His resurrection power.
As a young female woman myself, my heart went out to your princess. Actually, my heart flat out ached. I am not excusing or minimizing what has happened, but as one who lives in this society/culture and faces the emotional vacancies that women my age (and clearly your's - maybe even more so) face, I just want to give her a big hug. His miraculous grace has been my Light...but my heart totally understands (if I can say that). Please know that my heart goes out to you and her today. And trust me, you are going to be the one she might be needing the most in this (it would be for me). Never doubt the power of your prayers in the heavenlies...you are a hero to her. And as you walk this journey out, maybe limping and maybe crawling at times, you're a spiritual hero to us. It's a privilege to hear and watch Him do the impossible in our lives. Thank you for sharing sister. You will be on my heart. Keep crying out to the One who knows your heart.

Darla said...

Princess Diva Dolla,

This is not going to hurt your ministry it will help your ministy...in the way God takes the bad and makes it good. We all get that chance at forgiveness especially with family members, and others are watching...just let them see Jesus when they look. you are totally awesome, and we don't know the plans HE has for our loved ones, but we do need to put them back into HIS hands...Baby Dolla, it frees you up to shop for baby stuff!!! you are going to be an awesome grandma. Nothing speaks louder than Jesus.

Leigh Gray said...

I am lifting you all up. Your heart rang true in your blog and HE will be glorified!

Hang tightly to Him and seek His Word.

Love you much!! Leigh

Darla said...

forgot to tell you...

LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!!
Me

Mish said...

My friend stand strong you will make it nothing is to big for our God to handle. I have to teenagers and believe me I have experienced tears, heardache and that has made me a stonger person in my ministry for Jesus and character.You are not alone we will be praying for you what character you have to even be able to be so transparent about the whole thing it takes a great person to be like that I admire you my Dolla friend you are so special. Remember unconditional love at this time for your daughter that's what Jesus gives us never forget that even when things get hard. Your family will be fine with God at the head. I love you my friend. Mish

Pearls of Wisdom said...

Dear Deborah,

I am uplifting your daughter and all of you in prayer. Thank you for sharing so humbly and from your heart . I love you. I so agree with the others this will not hurt your ministry at all my sweet friend.

Hugs and Love,

Angel ():)

RealEstateGirl said...

I just sent you an email...too much to leave in a "comment".

My prayers are with you, my friend.

Sherry said...

Psalms 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
My circumstances are different. My heart breaks for my daughter too. But please look on the positive. Your daughter is there with you. You have a new grandbaby coming. I would love to talk. www.madeover.blogspot.com

Jen said...

As a mother, this must be very difficult. Keep crying out to HIM and holding on to your belovedS...hubby and husbandman.

I agree, that as mommys we have tremendous hopes dreams and plans for our children....I also think they are an extension of ourselves. Maybe more so than God intends at times.
Remember a couple of things as you process this turn in your lives...
You have been given your daughters to instruct and love and disciple...just as Jesus does with us; but our children are given a very special gift from God....just as we were....Free will.
Our children are a reflection of ourselves, but they are also independent-loved-by-God people...who get to make choices....some awesome ones that we are so proud of, and some that will dissapoint and even break our hearts. We can take no more ownership of the one, than we would of the other.
This is choosing time for all of you. So many choices to be made from choices that can not be reversed. Choices about how this will affect each one of your relationships. Choices about being crushed or becoming stronger....once again.
Choices to love, choices to forgive.
I for one, am very proud of the choices that I am hearing you make, and the ones that your princess and her beloved are now making.
The choice to bring this baby into the world...Thank her for that, from me.
The choice of her prince to stand by his princess.
The choices you and your beloved are making to hand this all over to God and allow Him to heal and strengthen, and bring clarity.
The choice to love this grandbaby as if it were planned for and waited for by each member of the family.
There are some very good choices being made....be very proud of those choices....it will facilitate more of the same.
In the mean time, my prayers are with all of you, and for wisdom and healing for each!!!!
May My loving God truly BLESS each and every one of you, and especially this amazing, beautiful little life being formed and knit together right now in your daughter's womb!
Be incredicly blessed as He turns your mourning into JOY!!!!

Gretchen said...

Dearest Deb,

You will get through this and triumph, as Jesus has already handed you the victory. I won't give you any platitudes or attempt to comfort you--there's nothing intelligent I can say. I do know this. You are loved. Your precious daughter is loved. Your grandbaby is loved. It won't be as you imagined, but it'll be okay. I'm so glad I visited today. I'll hold you in my prayers. love, gretchen

Karen said...

I'm a bit behind reading your blog. This must have been an emotional time indeed for you all. I love that you are seeking the Lord for the prophetic for this new grandbaby. I will pray too.