When in life we are faced with situations that cause us to go into a comatose state of mind, I thank my Father God for a husband that is a mighty man of faith, a man that stands strong in the Lord and has the heart for his family. As many of you that read my blog know that I am going through a huge crisis in my life, this weekend my darling beloved took me away from home… I think so he could get me alone and preach to me… one of the things that he brought up was the expectations I place on others out of my personality my dreams and ideas, and when they don’t go according to how I would do things I am devastated.
Now my dear darling Dolla’s that I have come to know over the past few months, I stand before you with my broken heart I know that only Jesus can heal this wound. Lisa my dear friend at preachers wife put it in words that are so precious, when you have a daughter you dream for her is that all the rooms in her future would be prefect, the prefect up bringing the perfect scholar the perfect woman, and I guess as beloved said to me I have such unattainable standards that sometimes he finds that the children are over run with my high expectations.
On Tuesday the 17th of July 2007 my life changed forever and will never be the same, princess #1 and Prince to be asked to see us, we are in the process of moving them to another province I think it would be another State for you all from USA, so I took it to be some arrangements etc, little did I know that my heart was about to be jolted and all I stand for! My precious darling informed me with much fear (I am ashamed to say) that she is 6 weeks pregnant, can you believe how selfish I am my first thought was there goes our ministry, girls how could I ever be so selfish in a time like this, I was stunned I sat there in total silence and did not speak to her until last night getting back from Durban after the Lord and my beloved had some heart to heart with me.
With me working in a church that lives the word out this was devastating for me, here I am believing that my daughter is living a life for Christ totally sold out, not for one instance did I ever imagine this to be happening right under my nose, I have to admit I have been so angry and hurt, but you know as Shar said what if she was the prodigal daughter would Jesus have turned her away.
My dear friends my darling beloved has been the rock in our family at this moment, his first words to princess #1, you are caring a gift from God and you need to let that little life know that it is wanted and loved. That even though we are disappointed we love her and will walk this road with her, and looking at me with the look that only my beloved is allowed to do said WE WILL LOVE OUR GRANDBABY!
Even as I type this I asked that you hold our dear family in prayer as I do believe that their will be those that will speak out against us, there will be those that love us, there will be those that judge us, there will be those that support us.
The scripture I am holding on to is Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
I trust that the Lord will carry us through this that He has a plan and purpose for our family and that in Him my grandbaby has a destiny that will bring the Father glory.