These past two weeks have been such a heavy time for me, not in a bad way but in a very good way. We have been busy in our ladies group with a series called “living beyond yourself” by Beth Moore. This has been one of the best ministry times
for me this past year, but also a time of have a good look at myself. This past two weeks I have come face to face with the fact that there are some yucky areas in my life that needs some serious dealing with, the biggest of the two I am not sure but both are pretty horrible (cant believe that you can use pretty and horrible to describe this) and they are so slyly interlinked that you would miss them if the Holy Spirit is not highlighting them to you. First of all I am a people pleaser which stems from pride!!!!!! Yes Pride people I am dealing with pride (yuck) that tastes awful on my tongue.
On Saturday my darling Fred took Mark Spark and I to Durban to a wonderful cocktail bar
(yes they serve no alcoholic cocktails) and we had a delightful lunch (found out I love poppers “jalapeño chills green ones stuffed with feta and deep fried absolutely delicious) when we had finished eating I just sat with my love and was chatting about what I felt God saying to me and how I was dealing with this pride and Fred just said casually my dolla you really got to deal with this rejection issue and I was like what are you talking about its pride and he said yes but it stems from your rejection, well I just started to weep there in that cocktail bar trying ever hard not to let people see (pride).
Last night the kids and hubby went off to gym (remember I have been denied access) so I had the whole home to myself and I thought I was going to catch up on some TV viewing but the Holy Spirit had something else in mind, I walked past our newly clean out and rearranged study and felt to just go in, by the time I reached my desk I was sobbing and just knelt before the King of Heaven and just poured out my heart to Him, do I have instant change of been a people pleaser I don’t think so but I do know that as I continue to walk closely to God He in is Sovereignty will help me and day by day I will make this road a joyful one where I can grow and learn to walk according to the Spirit and not by sight of the flesh. This has been quite liberating and I am really looking forward to the day that I walk in complete freedom.
As for the rejection I know that I have prayed long and hard for Jesus to bring me back to the place where I am soft and gentle and can love people without been afraid of rejection where I don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t measure up to my standards and that the grace I receive I will treat other people with. I am so excited about this new found freedom in Christ and I feel as if I am walking on the earth for the first time things look beautiful and green. I am so humbled by what God is doing in and around me.
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