Tuesday, April 8, 2008

FEAR THAT GRIPS SO EASILY


2 Timothy 1:7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

This is the scripture that keeps sounding in my thoughts this week; I am battling with fear at the moment, not the type that is caused by crime or feeling unsafe. I just have taken time to observe the world around me, something I love to do, this however has brought on a ton of fear (no I don’t need to see a councilor) when you live in a small coastal town you easily make close friends and find yourself part of the day to day living there with faces you know and find yourself in a comfort zone, even working in the church office as the administrator was a comfort zone to me, I was a sheep very well protected in a large sheep pen.
Now living in a very cosmopolitan city, where its all about image and who and what you know, doesn’t make it easy on a girl who is over weight, and for any of you who think your over weight but can fit into any type of clothing and still look good you have no idea what I am talking about, as I sat yesterday at the mall waiting for Kirsty and her friend Monique to come out from the mall, I found my fear levels rising, not only about my weight, but I have to start looking for work and I have no idea where to begin, so I bought the news paper, for us living in South Africa we are use to the words affirmative action position, meaning if you are white don’t even bother to apply, half the paper was full of those posts… each day I feel that sense of what am I going to do if I don’t find work…. I know God is in control; however human nature does take toil on ones mind.
I am going to keep meditating on this scripture until it drops down into my spirit instead of it just been in my mind….. I need to make it alive to me, if I think back rush hour traffic consisted of 50 cars here 50 cars is a lazy Sunday drive, the traffic is something but I am learning fast.
On a positive side, the autumn (fall) here is beautiful; we have wonderful crisp mornings with warm days, thundershowers in the late afternoon and then cooler evenings. I can’t wait to go and buy a beautiful pair of boots for the winter, and now I am off to gym to get something done about my expanding waist line…might also be that I have more time to cook up a storm and believe it or not I even baked cake yesterday, for those that are still getting to know me, I don’t bake , because I thought I couldn’t now I know I can… made my delicious meat balls and mash last night with lots of green veggies and gem squash filled with sweet corn and melted cheese. The family of course loves the fact that I in full swing with cooking again, and Deanna I know how you feel now that I have to clean and weed your self, it takes some getting use to.


love always me

3 comments:

Pastor Lisa said...

The pictures of the house are beautiful! Will you be kind to send me your email?

great dot designs at yahoo dot com.

Love you!

Jen said...

Everything is so new and exciting and all so overwhelming at the same time....Before you know it all of these "fears' will work themselves out for your good. In the mean time, I will pray for peace and wisdom and words of knowledge as you are stretched through this new season....be blessed!

Tara Sloan said...

Chin up woman of God!!! Walk in His quiet confidence! I know it is easier said than done... but for what it is worth.. I KNOW it is IN YOU!