This morning I am all alone at home and the family are all over the show, yet I need this more then anything else. Normally by now I have my Christmas decorations up ready for Christmas, yet this year is so different, I feel out of touch with myself and with everything that is near and dear to me.
Is it depression I asked myself this morning, I did something that I haven’t done in a very very long time and that is worked in my garden, I went and bought what we call in south Africa “Christmas rose” as I was working taking out weeds and making ready to plant the plant. I wondered if this is where I am full of weeds with no one to tend my garden, as we have not planted ourselves in a church yet I find that I have let certain things grow in my heart which are weeds, and I so need someone to come and gentle help me remove these weeds, some are more stubborn then others. And that at the moment is the cry of my heart is to find a place where from the moment we walk in we will feel yes this is home, we have been in Pretoria for 8 months now and I know we said we would give ourselves a year to find a home and settle. When I look back I think we have been too long out of home. So please continue to pray for us.
There are many things happening here that I don’t feel I want to write about just yet but ask you to continue to keep us as a family in prayer.
So after I finished with my gardening I went into the garage and there in the corner was my Christmas tree. And that was it I have put Christmas into my home and now I am sitting here crying my eyes out, I love Christmas yet this year I feel sad and lonely. Hopefully when all comes together the next chapter in my life will start to pull together.
So dear friends hope that as we go into this Christmas season we will find joy andpeace…..
Is it depression I asked myself this morning, I did something that I haven’t done in a very very long time and that is worked in my garden, I went and bought what we call in south Africa “Christmas rose” as I was working taking out weeds and making ready to plant the plant. I wondered if this is where I am full of weeds with no one to tend my garden, as we have not planted ourselves in a church yet I find that I have let certain things grow in my heart which are weeds, and I so need someone to come and gentle help me remove these weeds, some are more stubborn then others. And that at the moment is the cry of my heart is to find a place where from the moment we walk in we will feel yes this is home, we have been in Pretoria for 8 months now and I know we said we would give ourselves a year to find a home and settle. When I look back I think we have been too long out of home. So please continue to pray for us.
There are many things happening here that I don’t feel I want to write about just yet but ask you to continue to keep us as a family in prayer.
So after I finished with my gardening I went into the garage and there in the corner was my Christmas tree. And that was it I have put Christmas into my home and now I am sitting here crying my eyes out, I love Christmas yet this year I feel sad and lonely. Hopefully when all comes together the next chapter in my life will start to pull together.
So dear friends hope that as we go into this Christmas season we will find joy andpeace…..
2 comments:
Deborah
Wow...I wish we were at least on the same continent, I'd love to visit over tea. I understand a lot of what you are feeling...we remain fish out of water as well.
I think being in that "limbo" place is not so much the problem as not seeing an end in sight or even a direction to head in.
Since becoming a Christian at 10, I have never been without a church home...I don't like not being in a church body and am trying to remain connected to the greater body any way I can. I have felt the same about the weeds that grow and wishing there was a safe place to tend this garden...and am learning to accept the chief gardener as the one I need to turn to. It's just that sometimes I miss being connected to the people part of Jesus.
I am glad you got the decorating done, I think it might be tougher on you not being able to do something that you love at all.
For now, find the simple things that bring you joy and try not to look too far down the road...I am praying for you and your family.
Many Hugs and lots of prayers from Canada
Jen
Merry Christmas Deb!
Hi My Friend
I wish I could be there for Christmas we would have so much fun. I feel the same this year I miss my Daddy alot wish He was still around I miss my friends. I will be praying for you and the family during this special season be strong my friend we love you guys so much. Have a Blessed christmas.
Love you lots
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