My last post on one high heel one slipper got me thinking this morning as I was getting ready for work, here in Africa I am very blessed to have a nanny that works in my home 4 times a week, while I go off to work not having to rush to get the house work done, there are times when I read one of my favorite blog’s (go check it out @ Deanna) I wonder how this woman fits it all in with running a church (be there done that one got the t-shirt not doing it again pleassssssssssssse Lord) and doing all her house work and weeding (I wonder if I don’t live in denial about the weeds in my garden) at times I hang my head in shame and know that if I did not have this help I would never cope.
I have a room in my home that is our study but if you go in there you will find anything from old ornaments that the kids have out grown to camping chairs from our last trip to the beach, a few bills and lots of books all over the show, my beloved Fred says to find out the state of my life he just peeks in side this room, and at the moment it has been in shambles because this is how I have been feeling about me right now. On the outside no one would guess the turmoil I find myself in, not sleeping and eating all weird and wrong things.
When my home is out of order so my life is…… and so my home is out of order not my whole home only this place the deep place in my home where no one goes except me, this is the place where I know is like this deep well in my spirit where only the Father can go. Where the true dreams and desires are hidden so also the deep hurts and insecurities……
Ever since I started posting these articles at random on 1 high heel 1 slipper, I have started to dig in that deep well, really having a look at my life under a fine tooth comb. Why do I have this endless struggle with losing weight why do I yo yo diet why when things are not in order do I over eat or not eat why do I binge just to start dieting all over again…… do I truly believe this is the way I am supposed to look when I tell people I have learnt to be content with the weight I am carrying am I trying to scripturelize (if there is a word like this) it using Paul’s writings to justify my weight?
When I look at different weigh less solutions the ones that stand the test of time are those that have a balanced eating plan. Why am I writing about this when I don’t have victory in my own life about it?
Because I want to be helped I need to have accountability where I can be honest and share with you how I am feeling without the eyes rolling (and if they do I don’t see them) I need to find out what is causing this unbalance in my life…… if anyone has handles for me to follow I would so appreciate it. I need to lose about 44 pound 20kg… my plea to day is help me restore the 1 high heel 1 slipper to walking balance in this life.
I must confess that I don’t exercise I don’t enjoy it makes me feel like all are watching me! I know it’s not true but its truth to me. Shall I start to walk? Or what, help me my friend to find balance in this. So all handles are welcome.
Love always me