After reading my friend Deanna’s blog I felt I want to write something on what she had written about please go and read what she has written, I agree 100% with what she has written. For many of you reading my blog what I am about to write will be a completely new glimpse into my life, a world I normally keep quite to myself, there are only a few who have ventured to that part of my heart and I must say I am so thankful that they have!
In one of my previous fun articles I wrote that Fred and I had been together for 12 years and it takes no maths fundi to realize that Jen, Kirsty and Mark are not Fred’s biological children, but in every other sense of the word they are. In the article that Deanna talks about the lady that wrote “Do you have the courage to walk away from your marriage? Are you unsatisfied? Perhaps you are comfortable and you have fear of what will happen if you leave...but are you willing to take a risk, step out in faith and leave your comfortable surroundings to go after all that God has for you?" I take it that this lady has never been through the horrors of divorce! And yes I say horrors because that is what it is. World statistics say that 2nd marriages are more likely to end in divorce then first marriages and why is that? My own opinion: the first time you have such fear and the unknown is so overwhelming you still have the belief that till death do us part is really as it says…. Then you go through and a year or two later you think you have it all together and that you can make it on your own (a lie straight from satan) so you know that if you get married again and things go wrong you can walk away you have done it before and you are okay (ANOTHER LIE).
I got divorced with such turmoil going on my life was in a spiral of total destruction, I need to take you on a little journey of my life before Fred and I don’t really talk about it because as any good Pentecostal Christian knows its “under the blood” or so I am told. I got married straight out of school to a man that I though was my be all and end all! He is a good man but we where not good together he was very abusive and I was not a good wife in his eyes. I was married 6 weeks and was 4 months pregnant when he pushed me around for the first time and I had been very outspoken about this that no one would hit me but I had nothing my family even though they loved me, I was too proud to admit that I was in a terrible place. I continued to live in this destructive life style believing that God would change it… how wrong I was when our 3rd child was born… (Yes I know you think what 3 children with abusive husband what where you thinking I have to be honest and say I was not thinking… I was a foolish woman… not really committed to God I wanted the benefits of believing in God but I was not living the life of Christ in me the hope of Glory.) We decided to get divorced because not only the abuse but adultery, on both our parts… shoo there I said it….. Let me tell you ladies out there make sure before you get married that you are equally yoked! The pain we both went through is often unspeakable… the pain our oldest daughter endured was no joke and I see the rejection in her face today! Our babies where very young Mark Spark was not even a year old when we got divorced. For a year I went from one destructive situation to the next, then in April 1995 I was at my wits end I had sent my children to stay with their father the BIGGEST mistake I have ever made, I cant even begin to tell you about the guilt and self hate that I have had at times even to this day! I pleaded with God to give me a chance to show me if I needed to go back to my ex husband, however in that time he had got married and I knew that I would not be going back, one night I sat and wrote in the back of my bible a long letter to Father God asking Him for a soul mate someone that would love me just as I am that would lead me spiritually and would cherish me, and I know it all sounds so very meme but that was the place where I was at… I still continued to get into destructive situations until one night I saw this amazing man again I had seen him quite a few times but nothing transpired between us, but somehow something had changed, I decided there and then I wanted to get to know him, but didn’t want to meet him face to face yet, and so I went and asked his friend who he was, well it took Fred a full 2 seconds to get over to me… and as they say the rest is history.
To make a long story even longer, we got married rather quickly after that meeting, 1 November 1995 we meet officially then 28th of November1995 Fred proposed and 1st of January 1996 we got married and not a month or two later we had our babies come home to stay with us forever my happiest day like i had just given birth to them (another blog story). And this is where my story changes, when Fred proposed he brought me a ring and a dictionary English and Afrikaans, he told me “my girl turn to divorce” I asked why? His reply: “ just do it!” which I did he then gave me correcting fluid and said now blot it out because this word doesn’t exist in our life, so both in the English and Afrikaans dictionary he had me blot the word out. And that was the road to my recovery, along road which looking back on I am very thankful to the Lord and to My Fred as I am the product today of what a Godly relationship can do to you.
I loved what Deanna called a family that has got step dads or moms a blended family, and in our case things have worked so different our children love their blended dad, he adopted the two little ones so they have his surname and sometimes I even forget that he was not at the birth with us. My mother in love thinks that Fred and I met before and made Mark Spark because he is so much like Fred. We do believe that through our healthy relationship there has come healing and restoration to our children. Even just chatting to Jen we can see the work that God has done and still doing in her knowing that both her parents are in healthy Christian marriages and that we are friends (Fred has my ex come and stay for holidays so that he can see his children) I had to work through a lot before I was comfortable with that …. And that is a whole blog on it own which I think I might chat about.
In one of my previous fun articles I wrote that Fred and I had been together for 12 years and it takes no maths fundi to realize that Jen, Kirsty and Mark are not Fred’s biological children, but in every other sense of the word they are. In the article that Deanna talks about the lady that wrote “Do you have the courage to walk away from your marriage? Are you unsatisfied? Perhaps you are comfortable and you have fear of what will happen if you leave...but are you willing to take a risk, step out in faith and leave your comfortable surroundings to go after all that God has for you?" I take it that this lady has never been through the horrors of divorce! And yes I say horrors because that is what it is. World statistics say that 2nd marriages are more likely to end in divorce then first marriages and why is that? My own opinion: the first time you have such fear and the unknown is so overwhelming you still have the belief that till death do us part is really as it says…. Then you go through and a year or two later you think you have it all together and that you can make it on your own (a lie straight from satan) so you know that if you get married again and things go wrong you can walk away you have done it before and you are okay (ANOTHER LIE).
I got divorced with such turmoil going on my life was in a spiral of total destruction, I need to take you on a little journey of my life before Fred and I don’t really talk about it because as any good Pentecostal Christian knows its “under the blood” or so I am told. I got married straight out of school to a man that I though was my be all and end all! He is a good man but we where not good together he was very abusive and I was not a good wife in his eyes. I was married 6 weeks and was 4 months pregnant when he pushed me around for the first time and I had been very outspoken about this that no one would hit me but I had nothing my family even though they loved me, I was too proud to admit that I was in a terrible place. I continued to live in this destructive life style believing that God would change it… how wrong I was when our 3rd child was born… (Yes I know you think what 3 children with abusive husband what where you thinking I have to be honest and say I was not thinking… I was a foolish woman… not really committed to God I wanted the benefits of believing in God but I was not living the life of Christ in me the hope of Glory.) We decided to get divorced because not only the abuse but adultery, on both our parts… shoo there I said it….. Let me tell you ladies out there make sure before you get married that you are equally yoked! The pain we both went through is often unspeakable… the pain our oldest daughter endured was no joke and I see the rejection in her face today! Our babies where very young Mark Spark was not even a year old when we got divorced. For a year I went from one destructive situation to the next, then in April 1995 I was at my wits end I had sent my children to stay with their father the BIGGEST mistake I have ever made, I cant even begin to tell you about the guilt and self hate that I have had at times even to this day! I pleaded with God to give me a chance to show me if I needed to go back to my ex husband, however in that time he had got married and I knew that I would not be going back, one night I sat and wrote in the back of my bible a long letter to Father God asking Him for a soul mate someone that would love me just as I am that would lead me spiritually and would cherish me, and I know it all sounds so very meme but that was the place where I was at… I still continued to get into destructive situations until one night I saw this amazing man again I had seen him quite a few times but nothing transpired between us, but somehow something had changed, I decided there and then I wanted to get to know him, but didn’t want to meet him face to face yet, and so I went and asked his friend who he was, well it took Fred a full 2 seconds to get over to me… and as they say the rest is history.
To make a long story even longer, we got married rather quickly after that meeting, 1 November 1995 we meet officially then 28th of November1995 Fred proposed and 1st of January 1996 we got married and not a month or two later we had our babies come home to stay with us forever my happiest day like i had just given birth to them (another blog story). And this is where my story changes, when Fred proposed he brought me a ring and a dictionary English and Afrikaans, he told me “my girl turn to divorce” I asked why? His reply: “ just do it!” which I did he then gave me correcting fluid and said now blot it out because this word doesn’t exist in our life, so both in the English and Afrikaans dictionary he had me blot the word out. And that was the road to my recovery, along road which looking back on I am very thankful to the Lord and to My Fred as I am the product today of what a Godly relationship can do to you.
I loved what Deanna called a family that has got step dads or moms a blended family, and in our case things have worked so different our children love their blended dad, he adopted the two little ones so they have his surname and sometimes I even forget that he was not at the birth with us. My mother in love thinks that Fred and I met before and made Mark Spark because he is so much like Fred. We do believe that through our healthy relationship there has come healing and restoration to our children. Even just chatting to Jen we can see the work that God has done and still doing in her knowing that both her parents are in healthy Christian marriages and that we are friends (Fred has my ex come and stay for holidays so that he can see his children) I had to work through a lot before I was comfortable with that …. And that is a whole blog on it own which I think I might chat about.
BUT I WANT TO STRESS DIVORCE IS NOT THE SOLUTION CHRIST IS!
6 comments:
A courageous post!! You are one of God's finest ambassadors, in my opinion!! :-)
What a beautiful testimony. I see why you love your Fred so. God bless you and your family.
There were many times in my marriage in the beginning that I thought I had made a serious mistake. Keith and I were separated for a year and a half after we had been married for about 3 years.
There were many things involved-but God brought us back together.I would not say that things changed right away. It took years of me working with God before He finally brought us together in oneness. We will have been married for 19 years next month. I would truthfully say that it has only been in the past three or four years that I have fully come to love and trust him. God worked things together in His time.Marriage is very mental.We have to renew our minds almost everyday. Being with my husband at first was a sacrifice and an act of obedience to my Lord. He has now blessed our union. I am a blessed woman.
It sounds like you are too. :)
THANK YOU for your transparency and honesty.
I love your testimony and just said to my husband,"this would be such an interesting couple to get to know if they weren't living so far away".
I love how you love each other....and I REALLY love what was behind Fred bringing the dictionaries to you upon engagement....so significant!
Love from Canada...
I love your story, especially the dictionary part. Wonderful...
What a true love story...
Love you dolla...
Deanna
Jesus loves the women at the well! Of which I am one also! Love you so much!! you are my favorite dolla in the whole world! praying for you and still trying to catch you on Skype..maybe I have the wrong name in for you..mmmmmm I am very persistent, so i will catch up. keep me in your prayers as well...gettin kicked alot lately, and the enemy is not going to win this one!
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