I felt it time to dust off my old journal entry on one high heel one slipper, as I have had the sneaky sensation that I am once again caught in the scenario of walking one high heel one slipper when you have been in ministry or been real very involved or even just a dedicated member of a church for nearly 26 years you are use to something’s in life.
So here I sit it’s the first time in 26 years that I don’t belong to a church (AND NO I HAVENT BACKSLIDDEN) it’s a very weird feeling to go and visit a church, on Sunday we went to a church the worship was nice the announcements and offering where all in place just like any other church, the preacher was entertaining and the altar call was heart felt, but I sat there feeling like I was a spectator someone that was just on the fringe looking in, very strange place for me to be, yet I kind of like looked at it from another prospective, what happens if I had been a non Christian would I have felt welcome and wanted to come back? Ashamedly I have to say NO!
The welcome at the door was an after thought of oh hello because the two attendants at the door where so busy catching up on what they had done the week that we weren’t even sure where we where going. They had a form that they handed out for first time visitors, but never told us what to do with them after we had filled it in, (remember I am looking at it from a non believe from someone that doesn’t know church) as I say the preacher was good really enjoyed his message which I will share in a later blog. When the altar call was finished they ended the service and so all the sheep wandered out, I got in the car and turned to my Fred and said well that was church I guess, there was no one that even bothered to say hi see you are new is there anything you would like to know nothing…. I felt as if I had gone to a show, what has happened to relationship in churches or is it just business as usual.
So here I sit wondering, I know how to do bible study I can even preach a sermon or three… lead a home group and prayer meeting, so why am I questioning my absolute hearts desire to be there to support a leader in the vision they have, for me to be a living stone graphed into a temple of other believers when right now I feel very unbalanced in this area.
I know I am not the only one, there are many that have been in full time ministry and have become disillusioned (I AM NOT DISILLUSIONED ABOUT GOD BUT ABOUT THE CHURCH). Where do we go from here, I know the word says in my words our belief will cost us, is it going to be in time and money, because the church that strikes accord with us is 45 min away from us, but how do you make that part of your life when you cant be at every meeting, so some how I feel that in church right now I am walking one high heel one slipper.
Love always me