WHAT GRACE ARE YOU SHOWING TODAY

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile" Albert Einstein

Every now and then we are all faced with issues in friendship, we need to take a good look at what is going on around you there are so many different types of friendships...

Have you ever come away from a time with a friend and wondered what the heck was that all about, do you always lead the friendship or do you always follow that friendship?

Do you come away having blown wind in their sails or just got the wind blown out of yours?

Friendships go through different phase's but does it always mean you having to adjust what you saying so as not to offend or get a lecture? Is it worth effort?

These are questions I am faced with and after really praying about its and really just getting quiet before the Lord...and yes crying my heart out. I realise we all react out of our own inner hurt or even own truth.

What we believe in our hearts as truth will be truth to me even if it is not truth.

Many of us can either become lonely and move away from friendships because of a fear of getting hurt again or we can allow God to teach us to protect our hearts and walk in His Grace.

What Grace are you showing friends today?

Love always

Deborah

A NEW DAY

Nobody can go back and start new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

I came across this quote and I just feel its such a in season word for me and maybe there is someone reading my blog that needs this too.

Today seems to be filled with in season words, I received this email this morning and would like to share it here with you:

This is a new day -- let bygones be bygones, says the Lord. Every moment is a fresh and pristine opportunity to make a choice to live according to My Spirit. You have heard it said that actions speak louder than words. You can choose to illustrate the Kingdom of God by example and show that you are a child of the King. Be prepared to carry out your word in deed.
2 Corinthians 3:2-3 You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.

this spoke to much to me after the day I had yesterday!

love always me

CAN I TRUST ENOUGH

When you want to believe so desperately that you not been had for a fool; how do you trust following your heart when your heart feel confused and in disarray and everyday you hope just for one sign just a tangible thing to hold on too.
I sat at a coffee shop today and watched people young old, woman men children, they all seemed as if they were going somewhere but not really getting anywhere. How can I convince myself that this is real when there are signs that it’s not real?
Do I really have the faith to step out on to the water to believe that there are still people in this world that are prepared to invest into your dream…. I need to know I need to take this hand that is outstretched and believe but I am so afraid. Will it be a scheme or will this be reality… I need to know!!!

New Fragrance and attitude

Time for new attitude and fragrance.......

It feels like a life time ago that I wrote anything or even put pen to paper, today Sunday the 31st of May 2009, I took myself to a movie, yes for my dearly religious friends that I dearly love, I went and watched a movie that had me crying within the first 15 minutes of the movie.

I watched “the Reader” what a thought provoking movie for me at least, I watched as an older woman seduced a young man, it may sound immoral but it was truly beautiful to watch the love blossom between them, it lasted but a summer however the effect on his life was profound, how one person can leave a memory so philosophical that every fiber of his been marched to the cord of that love he has for this woman.

Yet his reaction to her when she needed him to stand up and make it count for her left him scared for life… I wont say much more just incase someone wants to go and watch the movie.

But here is my reflection on it; who has touched my life in such a way that I cant or can move forward, whose life have I reached that they continue to love me and have affection for me way beyond the bounders of life.

I came and sat at a coffee shop and ponder about many things, my heart is filled with emotion almost like river about to burst its banks, I could not help but cry even the waiter that helped me seemed to be moved by my show of emotion, for those of you that know me I am not really given to public display of emotion, however I am finding myself in the last week or so very aware of my emotions and the things I yearn for in life… and find that when writing I can express myself a lot better then if I tried to talk about it.

Life has very many faces to it and even the seasons that we walk through each have a new challenge and a new beauty to it, for most of you that know my hubby he is a workaholic, which can be very frustration and very lonely for me…. I have buried so much of who I really am because society almost commands us to conform… I have a love for the fine arts, opera, I love culture but because society says it’s not the norm for a married woman to go without a partner I have stopped going (even the church has a say about it); I have lost a passion of mine and in away lost a part of who I am.

I have been chatting to Fred about it when he has the time to sit with me and chat about things that don’t have to do with the general running of the house; I don’t think he fully understands the need I have to be inspired by the visual and even the emotions I have when I watch these deeply moving movies, however I have decided to pursue some of these loves I have; and even if I am all on my own; I know that I am been true to myself and not conforming to society…why do I have to listen to R&B when I love opera or the more jazzy type of music, why do I have to be in a business suite to prove I can hold my own in a mans world; I never signed up for woman’s lib or equal rights; I just came into the world to be a woman pursued and cherished….to be loved and adored…to love and give myself with every passionate fiber of who I am to the world…I want to let people see the fire I have in my soul.

love always me

NO CHURCH TO BE FOUND

There is nothing nicer for me on a Sunday evening then going to church and coming home and inviting people round for supper, however since we been up here that has not happened. Tonight Kirsty and I rode around looking for a church to go to, can you believe it there is not one open that we went to. I understand school is only opening next week, yet somehow I think in SA the culture of having church in the evening, is dying out what do you all think about it?
I so pray that I find a church that we really can call home!

HOPE 2009

O My child, I need you for Myself. Yea, I have purposes for thy life beyond thy present comprehension. Yea, I have truth concerning Myself to give to thee deeper and richer and more wonderful that thine understanding has thus far taken in.
Open thine heart wide to Me. I will fill thee with My Holy Spirit, and in so doing will satisfy the deepest longings of thy soul. (Come away My Beloved)
This morning as I sit in the quietness of my home the hum of my hubby sleeping and the dogs at peace, I have a sense of great expectation rising up in my heart and I know that this year is that year of Hope, I believe with all my heart that great things will happen this year…..
I believe that as we continue to bow our knee in this home that God is a God of breakthrough. I received a gift for my garden, it’s a wall hanging that says HOPE… it’s a prophetic symbol for our home and that is why I have even changed my blog heading to remind me and all that read this blog that this is the year of HOPE.
Well I am off to take a shower and get ready for our anniversary day of fun and been out under the warm African sky.

IS IT CHRISTMAS

This morning I am all alone at home and the family are all over the show, yet I need this more then anything else. Normally by now I have my Christmas decorations up ready for Christmas, yet this year is so different, I feel out of touch with myself and with everything that is near and dear to me.
Is it depression I asked myself this morning, I did something that I haven’t done in a very very long time and that is worked in my garden, I went and bought what we call in south Africa “Christmas rose” as I was working taking out weeds and making ready to plant the plant. I wondered if this is where I am full of weeds with no one to tend my garden, as we have not planted ourselves in a church yet I find that I have let certain things grow in my heart which are weeds, and I so need someone to come and gentle help me remove these weeds, some are more stubborn then others. And that at the moment is the cry of my heart is to find a place where from the moment we walk in we will feel yes this is home, we have been in Pretoria for 8 months now and I know we said we would give ourselves a year to find a home and settle. When I look back I think we have been too long out of home. So please continue to pray for us.
There are many things happening here that I don’t feel I want to write about just yet but ask you to continue to keep us as a family in prayer.
So after I finished with my gardening I went into the garage and there in the corner was my Christmas tree. And that was it I have put Christmas into my home and now I am sitting here crying my eyes out, I love Christmas yet this year I feel sad and lonely. Hopefully when all comes together the next chapter in my life will start to pull together.
So dear friends hope that as we go into this Christmas season we will find joy andpeace…..

ANOTHER CHURCH VISIT

It seems like I only blog once a month now but I will try my best to be more on my blog from now on.
We went to a new church tonight called “LIGHT OF THE NATIONS” but to get there was another story:
We decided tonight that we really needed to go to church, we decided on a church and went there only to find the gates open but no one there, we had seen a sign board of another church and went there instead only to find out that they don’t have evening services, so we started driving home but we were enjoying the view of all the lovely gardens when wham bam in front of us was this huge board that said “LIGHT OF THE NATIONS CHURCH” my darling and I both looked at each other and decided why not we are wanting to go let’s check it out.
When we drove through the lovely garden and as we drove we saw all these youngsters, and we were wondering if we were not too old for this church, we parked the car and was greeted by a young man in a golf cart that offered to drive us right to the church doors…. Was quite a thrill.
We stepped inside and loved the whole ambiance of the church, the worship was alive and the church was very noisy but was so good!
Then the preaching started, Pastor Belinda preached and was it a word in season, which I want to write more on tomorrow but for now this is what her message heading was:
THRIVING NOT JUST SURVIVING IN THE DESERT!!!!!!!!!!

This is what I so needed to hear.

LOVE ALWAYS ME

ps this is a photo taken of me today

Priceless - friendship

Have you ever had something that was precious to you and you thought you had lost it?
It might be a priceless heirloom or it might be something sentimental or perhaps a friendship?
Well I had a friendship that I thought was lost to me I have a tendency to pull back when I am hurting or going through things that just don’t make sense to me. In this time that I have been up in Pretoria I have done that pulled back from everyone that is dear to me…. Do I do it on purpose or do I just do it because that is how I cope when life seems to overwhelm me!
Yesterday I had an appointment to see someone that is very dear to me but because of my pulling back might have placed this friendship in jeopardy, we decided like all good south Africans to gather around food to sort our problems out. We choose a place we both love called Ciao Baby’s they make the most divine chicken salad you can think of!
We talked about everything and anything to avoid the subject but then we sat down and got to the bottom of the problem, we cried and we laughed and walked away as friends again, tender friends having to regain trust and respect again.
Dear family and friends (near and far) I am so sorry if I shut you out while I was going through my own inner war, please forgive me if I chose to retreat.
Know that to me you all are part of my heart very dear to me!

love always me

LETS ACCEPT THE BEAUTY WE ARE

Yesterday I sat with a group of ladies and I watched and listen to all of them; the loud over the top the silent type, the somewhere in the middle, and you know what alarmed me most was their insecurities that each one faces in their lives.
Let me tell you about the red head beauty she is 55 doesn’t look a day over 40, has a body that screams I look after myself, and she keeps saying look how saggy I have become, look how big my butt is, she is beautiful but because of her husband leaving her for a 26 year old she has put on the lens of life saying you are not good enough you are old and of no use.
Next one she is 29 blonde has a wonderful husband that gives her everything her heart can desire, but she can’t keep a job for long she is a perfectionists but with that needs constant assurance that she is doing her best that she is the best at her job, where does it stem from her parents, she was an A student but was never good enough for her father, the lens she is wearing says if I can’t get 100% I am nothing.
What about the girl with all the curves that laughs out loud, she is stunning all the men think so and she is very popular, the woman feel threatened by her and in her words; “the church ladies think I am a whore! Because I get along better with the men then the woman because women destroy your personality.”
These are just a few from the group I was with yesterday.
I came back home and started to wonder and ponder and I am reminded that I cannot build who I am on the words of others I cannot be someone else I can only be me, and the assurance I need is from my heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit is the one that affirms who I am in Christ Jesus.
My favorite scripture is in Psalms 45:
My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the king, shaping the river into words:
2-4 "You're the handsomest of men; every word from your lips is sheer grace, and God has blessed you, blessed you so much. Strap your sword to your side, warrior! Accept praise! Accept due honour! Ride majestically! Ride triumphantly! Ride on the side of truth! Ride for the righteous meek! 4-5 "Your instructions are glow-in-the-dark; you shoot sharp arrows into enemy hearts; the king's foes lie down in the dust, beaten. 6-7 "Your throne is God's throne, ever and always; the sceptre of your royal rule measures right living. You love the right and hate the wrong. And that is why God, your very own God, poured fragrant oil on your head, marking you out as king from among your dear companions.
8-9 "Your ozone-drenched garments are fragrant with mountain breeze. Chamber music—from the throne room— makes you want to dance. Kings' daughters are maids in your court, the Bride glittering with golden jewellery.
10-12 "Now listen, daughter, don't miss a word: forget your country, put your home behind you. Be here—the king is wild for you. Since he's your lord, adore him. Wedding gifts pour in from Tyre; rich guests shower you with presents." 13-15 (Her wedding dress is dazzling, lined with gold by the weavers; all her dresses and robes are woven with gold. She is led to the king, followed by her virgin companions. A procession of joy and laughter! A grand entrance to the king's palace!) 16-17 "Set your mind now on sons— don't dote on father and grandfather. You'll set your sons up as princes all over the earth. I'll make you famous for generations; you'll be the talk of the town for a long, long time."

Dolla's accept the beauty's you are and live to the fullest in the beauty of who Christ has made you!!!!!!

Love always me

I AM BACK STRONGER THEN EVER

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I have redesigned my life, I have had a good long look at who and what I am and have become.
I am horrified to see how I was trapped in pretence of who and what I am, I was accused of only wanting friendship to see what I could gain out of it, i.e. where I could have a place to preach or teach or not, I sat back hurt and betrayed yet deep inside of me the voice that I have know so well over the last 20 odd years reassured me that even this will pass.
I have entered into a very different world of work where the ladies hate each other and most marriages are on the rocks, and I wonder Lord is this the new harvest fields you have for me, would anyone understand if I said I sat with a drunk woman calming her fears that she is still attractive and that even though her husband is having an affair with one of their friends that she is entitled to have love and a marriage.
Or would they understand if I said I sat with a woman crying in my lap because her drug dealer won’t meet with her tonight because he need to come down from his high, would you understand it if I said I am have the time of my life, I feel as if I am walking amongst the out casts and I feel alive for Christ like never before.
Oh the question has arisen but who are you accountable to and where do you fellowship and honestly all I can say is I am accountable to my husband and children and I stand under the Lordship of my Savior the one who died for these people.
I want to thank all of you for not giving up on me in my time of absence, thank you for you ongoing support and love that I received via email and even the odd telephone call. I am back dolla and I am dangerous for the kingdom. I have come out of the dark into this very very marvelous light.
I am so aware of the phrase “Jesus walked amongst them” I am walking amongst them and having the time of my life.

Love always me

TURNING SCARS INTO STARS PART 1

Dolla’s tonight as I am busy preparing dinner and the house is quite not a sound except the tapping of the keys on the laptop, I thank the Lord for precious people that He has brought across my path over the years of serving the Lord.
With very fond memories I think of my aunt that took the time to take me to church after I had run away from home at the tender age of 13. When I look at Kirsty-pie and see the beauty of a young girl I shudder to think that at her age I had already been raped. Life has not always been a bed of roses, but everyday we should chose to change our scars into stars.
In the quietness of the house I am reminded of the scripture:
Be still and know that I am God.
I can truly say tonight that I know that God the bible speaks about, the one who rescued me from a living hell. The one that taught me to love life and me again. The one who said Your SINS are forgiven. The one who died so that I might have eternal life. Tonight I just want to sing praises to the Lord of all Lords and the King of all Kings. How precious is He and tonight as I sit in the quietness of my home, I am free to praise Him free to be me.
Changing our scars into stars is a process that we should all go through it brings freedom in our lives like no one can describe, today I don’t feel like a woman soiled and lost but I feel like a pure woman before God, when I go to bed at night with my darling Fred, I can truly say this is the man that God had preordained for me, I don’t enter our marriage bed with shame in my heart but I come to our marriage bed free to be the princess the queen of my home.
Dolla’s come let the Lord of all Lord anoint your heart let Him take your scars and turn them into star tonight, come sit before Him and be still so that you can Know that He is God. Praise you Jesus I am so in love with you.

Love always me

NEGATIVE FRIENDS!

This week end has been one that really has me hanging in the balance of what friendship is all about, when I was a little girl my grandfather said to me one day, “its easier for negative people to make you one of them then to make them one of you (positive).” This has always stayed with me.
On that note we went to dinner with a couple the other evening and it was a great restaurant with great food and décor everything was great the company was good and we chat about various things, one thing that we have very much in common is that we both come out of ministry, ours is a very different set of reasons to theirs, which I wont go into detail about, my husband had once preached about the day that Noah had gotten drunk and had passed out naked, one of his sons had laughed and even mocked his father but the other covered the naked body of their father, in the same manner we need to cover one another nakedness before others, however I can say that after listening to them, I felt angry and had to really seek the Fathers face, I was looking for answers I knew I would not get, as the Lord said to Job who are you to question me (my own interpretation).
Yet here was a man that is a powerful preacher and a wonderful gifted man that has the ability to make the most awesome counseling manuals… but when my husband asked him how he felt about the ministry his answer was I help myself and others must help themselves… the reason why it angered me is because they are always trying to counsel us and tell us that the season of ministry is over for the four of us, and maybe its right regarding leading a work or a church… shepherding a flock… and that is so important that we find the right shepherd to shepherd us,.. However I love the ministry, it’s not easy its one of the hardest things anyone can do. On that note also one of the most rewarding things you can do as well. My friend Deanna wrote something on been famous that goes so well with this go read it here:
I could have chosen to do this: become negative and agree and moan and complain about how bad the church is and how people just use and abuse you (and yes that does happen, and if it is happening to you, please find someone in ministry that is stronger then you to speak to…please don’t speak to one of the congregation members its not fair to them and it will cause you heartache in the end) and come away losing sight of what God is busy with in my life right now and the restoration and exciting journey that is facing me right now.
What I did do is walk away and go straight to the Fathers feet and ask Him to show me what He requires from me, I had to go and pour out the heartache and anger so He could fill me up with His love and compassion. Let’s always make a conscious decision to walk in the opposite spirit.

Love always me

USE TODAY WISELY

Here is a quote from Joy in His presence by Barbara Johnson.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"Yesterday is a canceled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, but today is cash! Use it wisely."

Love always me

SEX IN THE CITY AND MY THOUGHTS

Well last night I went to see “SEX IN THE CITY” I took my Fred with me, well he laughed just as much as I did, in some places more then me. Let me start by saying yes there are some dodgy scene but it makes up for about 10 min of the whole movie.
One thing for sure this is a real chick flick, I laugh and cried and laughed some more. For all of you out there that have girlfriends you will understand this movie. Its about girls that want to fall in love, they do some get married and live happy ever after with a few heartaches along the way, one that has everything but needs more, another that gets hurt and learns a lesson in forgiveness, and then the girl next door that seems to have everything.
I came away feeling two things:
1. I miss my dolla friends I have got to know of the years!
2. Somehow I am now questioning what I really have reached in my life in nearly 40 years.
Before I begin I want to say that I love Jesus He is my personal Lord and Savior, and I love His church, but somehow the relevance of life has gone from the church, I seem to find myself doing a lot of thinking today, have I somehow isolated myself so that I have learnt to suppress the true me to fit into the church, dress modest (like an old woman) not put pink streaks in my hair because it would cause some one to stumble, stopped laughing out loud from my tummy because someone in the church said if I was in the world I would have been a loose girl? Why do we label people so much why do we put people in a box, oh she is the pastors wife oh she is emotional, oh she is the super spiritual one, oh let me share about so and so because she really needs prayer (hogwash: that is gossiping under a disguise of Christianity)
Have we in the church become so narrow minded that we think every thing will taint us have we become nothing better then an occult, isolating ourselves because we are scared we will become contaminated by the lady that has too much to drink or the lady that does stripteases does that mean I am better then her? How is it that we tell the world that we are right when most Christians look so miserable? How is it that people have become so cloned in churches the pastors wife has her nails painted pink with white daisies and next week half the ladies are doing the same, what happened to individual style and living naturally supernaturally?
When Jesus walked the earth the world says He dinned with tax collectors and had woman of the night come and anointed Him, He never partook of what they where doing but He was in their faces loving them where they are at! The word says He was moved by compassion, how can we be moved by compassion when we are living in lofty churches passing down judgment instead of walking in the world. (I am not talking about the few churches that have become part of their community)
Can I say that I want to make a difference in the world not by my haughty judgment but by living in this world and making a difference by been moved by compassion just as Jesus was.

Love always me

DREAM COME TRUE

Tonight we are going to visit a church that I have longed to visit for the past 5 years, I preached at a conference with the pastor’s wife and have said for the longest time I want to visits this church.
So tonight is a vision come true we are going to “RIVERS CHURCH” the senior pastoral couple is Andre and Wilma Olivier. I will post about it when we get back I am so excited I can explain it but I feel like life is coming back to my weary heart. (Long story) and also not for the net! I can’t wait did I say that again. Tonight I want to be there early and enjoy every part of this church you can go over and visit them here. Just check out their woman’s ministry site!!!! (((Hug))) I would do cartwheels if I could so in my spirit I am doing them!!!!!!!

So dollas I will check back and give a gooooooooood report.

Love alway Me

I AM FAT AND NOT SO FABULOUS

I have to admit I seem to come back to the place time and time again. I find myself always dieting and then falling of the wagon so many times I don’t care to even count them anymore. Every morning I wake up with the intention that today I am going to do something about my health, this week passed I was off work for three days which started with a migraine and me going to see my doctor as I was so exhausted after the migraine at the moment I feel like his guinea pig, he tells me my happy hormone levels are low and I need a pick me up (plain language I am depressed) oh yeah… right so depression makes my heart rate rise to 170HRM when at my age it should not exceed 145HRM, I don’t want to go to the gym and feel like I am dying after not even 10 min of cardio… how do you get to the place where you can go to gym and just come back feeling alive and ready for anything it takes me about 3 days just to recover from one round of 45 min.

I had a friend call me and say bottom line is your fat and need to lose weight… I made as if it didn’t hurt but you know what it hurt like hell to hear it from her… I know I am fat! Its easy to say join a club get on a diet… there are just something’s that will have to wait for me to join a club I don’t have the finances right now… I would rather see my children going to good schools and Kirsty doing her dance classes. We are not battling financially but we don’t have the extra cash to join either WW or the Firm or what ever else is going on in the diet world. I would love to join weight watchers and I know that many of my friends are doing well on it but I just don’t have the extra right now. We have a good medical aid, which enables us to go to a very good gym, but what does it help me right now when I am not getting the eating right. I don’t eat all that wrong but yet the weight seems to stay put.

I am desperate at this moment in time, after the phone call I went to the room and just stared at myself in the mirror, staring back at me was a person I don’t recognize, what happened to me, in the space of one phone call I went from I am okay to what has the cat dragged in! I don’t want to be here again, my heart is rendered before you dolla’s today, please pray for me give me advice help me. I don’t want to live in my world of one slipper and one high heel.

I don’t need deliverance please I just need sound advice. I look at the pictures I have on my blog and I want to cry at times because I know a slimmer woman then the one staring back at me from these pictures. I have to lose about 25kg I guess in pounds that would be almost 55 I think. It’s a lot of fat to haul around all day long. No wonder my heart is racing and trying to get blood to all the body parts. My mood seems to fit the fat at the moment too, lumpy bumpy and no even textures for me! My heart feels think my thighs hails stones have dented the thighs and words have dented my heart! We watched a movie called Norbit and I feel like the female character huge and so ugly. Okay maybe I need those happy hormone things now!

I know Jesus loves me just as I am and so does my Fred but he doesn’t have to live in this body and Jesus knows my heart He know I know he loves me, but right now I need to love me again. And this is where I need your help. So dolla’s I am all ears to hear what you have to say.

PRECIOUS FRIENDS

This morning as I said goodbye to my precious friend Pauline, my heart ached for her and women all over the world that are single and find them self in a place where their call and gifting is almost put on hold because they are single and need a man to qualify them. This friend has an incredible call as an exhorter of God’s people and even in the word of wisdom that she operates in. I pray that God who is sovereign will expand her territory. I believe and trust with her that this year she will meet the man God has destined her to be will, because she truly desires to be a wife, she has held out not dating because she is waiting for that man. My dear precious dollas please pray and believe with me that she meets her man of destiny. And that she will not be held back in her call or gifts, as she is valuable and precious in the Kingdom of God.

How much fun it was to have her with me, such an appointed time in the Lord, we ate and prayed and cried and laughed. Such a testimony of God’s healing as she survived cancer in the gland area near her face, we serve a God who know our names.

An act of love and kindness may not change the course of history but if it changes the course of someone’s life it’s worth it. Thanks precious daisy pie, I love you!

LIFE

Okay so I haven’t been blogging much lately: reason: just no time it seems as if this year is not coming to a slow lazy Christmas time but its in high gear flying straight into next year…I must say I love my job at the church and I love the people in our church but right now I cant wait for my holiday to start and I can just catch my breath.

Personally for me this has been a hard year with my health my daughter falling pregnant my husband going into a new line of work and overall just seem like total chaos at one time or another. However with the doctor sorting out my body ailments and giving me peace of mind that I am not going mad or needing so serious counciling I am happy to say I can go on after 2 weeks leave… I have such a vision personally for me next year and am so excited to be going to talk at the conference in New Zealand... Hoping to go into Africa later in the year (yes I live in Africa but I mean further north) so believe great things are going to happen in 2008 new beginnings in the spirit.

These past 3 weeks I have just experience such a solidifying of my call and the out pour of the Holy Spirit has been so wonderful. That sounds like such a mundane word but my vocabulary doesn’t extent to how I feel, the gentleness with which the Holy Spirit is dealing with me is so over whelming and so wonderful that I cant even find the words to describe to you how I am feeling. I have had a new found joy just praying in the Spirit and know that I am been edified in my spirit, charged up like an old battery to a place where I can run a power plant!

What a joy I have experienced in leading a ladies group in my home, where we are busy with Beth Moore’s living beyond yourself… this has given me such food for thought. One of the comments that she makes in week 1 is “each day is a new opportunity for victory” I wake up think on that today is a day for victory. So spiritually there is a change that has come I even seeing a gentleness returning to my life that I thought I had lost so very long ago. I feel like a rose that is pushing through ready to reveal the hidden beauty.

Talking about hidden beauty, I have been granted access to the gym now, so last night was my first night with my trainer Ryan, must say Kirsty my baby girl was around me like a fly… “Mom just protecting dads interests”… good golly miss molly! Anyway he has given me a program to work on for the next 4 weeks 3 times a week.

I have to cycle for 10min and then on the treadmill for 10min and then on the medicine ball for some posture work and back core strengthen with is also about 10min in total. Then 2 sets of stretches one is so cool my whole back just clicked it sounded like dominoes falling, must say I don’t have any aches or pains this morning and had the best nights sleep in months. So my dear friend as God is solidifying my calling He is also helping me shape up for the year ahead…. God is good

PRIDE OF MY HEART

These past two weeks have been such a heavy time for me, not in a bad way but in a very good way. We have been busy in our ladies group with a series called “living beyond yourself” by Beth Moore. This has been one of the best ministry times for me this past year, but also a time of have a good look at myself. This past two weeks I have come face to face with the fact that there are some yucky areas in my life that needs some serious dealing with, the biggest of the two I am not sure but both are pretty horrible (cant believe that you can use pretty and horrible to describe this) and they are so slyly interlinked that you would miss them if the Holy Spirit is not highlighting them to you. First of all I am a people pleaser which stems from pride!!!!!! Yes Pride people I am dealing with pride (yuck) that tastes awful on my tongue.

On Saturday my darling Fred took Mark Spark and I to Durban to a wonderful cocktail bar (yes they serve no alcoholic cocktails) and we had a delightful lunch (found out I love poppers “jalapeño chills green ones stuffed with feta and deep fried absolutely delicious) when we had finished eating I just sat with my love and was chatting about what I felt God saying to me and how I was dealing with this pride and Fred just said casually my dolla you really got to deal with this rejection issue and I was like what are you talking about its pride and he said yes but it stems from your rejection, well I just started to weep there in that cocktail bar trying ever hard not to let people see (pride).

Last night the kids and hubby went off to gym (remember I have been denied access) so I had the whole home to myself and I thought I was going to catch up on some TV viewing but the Holy Spirit had something else in mind, I walked past our newly clean out and rearranged study and felt to just go in, by the time I reached my desk I was sobbing and just knelt before the King of Heaven and just poured out my heart to Him, do I have instant change of been a people pleaser I don’t think so but I do know that as I continue to walk closely to God He in is Sovereignty will help me and day by day I will make this road a joyful one where I can grow and learn to walk according to the Spirit and not by sight of the flesh. This has been quite liberating and I am really looking forward to the day that I walk in complete freedom.

As for the rejection I know that I have prayed long and hard for Jesus to bring me back to the place where I am soft and gentle and can love people without been afraid of rejection where I don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t measure up to my standards and that the grace I receive I will treat other people with. I am so excited about this new found freedom in Christ and I feel as if I am walking on the earth for the first time things look beautiful and green. I am so humbled by what God is doing in and around me.

Me and my budflower I am always humbled by the people God places around me. One more place of beauty God is showing me today, friendships are wonderful and my heart burst with love for all my dolla friends around the world. love ya so very very very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!